PsyberSpace: Understand Your World

The Politeness Protocol: Exploring the Psychology of Control in Social Dynamics
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[00:00:00] Welcome back to PsyberSpace. I'm your host, Leslie Poston, and in today's episode, we're digging into a complex and sometimes controversial topic. The psychology that helps us understand concepts like likability, politeness, and professionalism, and how they are wielded in social power dynamics. We'll explore how those concepts often serve as tools of control across various intersections of race, gender, and age, particularly focusing on their impact in the context of racial and gender dynamics in American society.

Today we examine not only the roots and repercussions of these social demands. But also consider how they shape our collective experiences and individual identities in profound ways.

The expectations around these social [00:01:00] constructs often serve to uphold existing power structures and subtly enforce norms that benefit the dominant group. For example, Zamudio and Rios explored how traditional racism has transitioned into a more subtle everyday form of racism that perpetuates inequalities, while Yogeeswaran and Dasgupta found that implicit national prototypes can significantly influence discriminatory behavior and judgements. By unpacking these concepts we aim to shed light on their pervasive influence and explore avenues for challenging and redefining what it means to be likable or professional in a diverse society. Let's start with the psychology of likability and control.

Likability isn't just a trait; it's a powerful construct that influences social interactions and professional opportunities. While it seems benign, the demand to be liked can become a subtle, but pervasive, form of control. This is [00:02:00] particularly evident in how likability is often leveraged against women of color and younger women in professional and social settings. Studies such as those from the American Psychological Association have shown that perceptions of likability are significantly influenced by stereotypes and biases, which can dictate behavior and decision making in corporate and social realms.

The concept of likability is intertwined with compliance and conformity, especially for minority groups. One way people perform likeability is taking on altruistic tasks at work. Cuddy, Glick, and Beninger explored how warmth and competence judgements shape outcomes in organizations. Heilman and Chen found that men and women face different consequences for the same altruistic behavior in the workplace. The requirement to adhere to the majority's norms of politeness, performative warmth, and professionalism often masks an undercurrent of racial and gender [00:03:00] biases. Jones et al conducted a meta analysis that highlighted the negative impacts of subtle and overt discrimination on individuals and organizations, while Wingfield examined the experiences of African-American professionals navigating gendered racism in the workplace. These expectations can stifle authentic expression and enforce a type of performance that aligns with the dominant groups comfort, often at the expense of personal and group identity.

Eelen's research covered the manipulative power of politeness in social interactions. This manipulation extends beyond individual interactions and can influence broader societal outcomes. For instance, political candidates and public figures often tailor their appearances and rhetoric to fit likeability criteria that may not necessarily align with their personal or political authenticity. This phenomenon can dilute the political discourse and shift focus from substantive issues to superficial [00:04:00] attributes, ultimately affecting electoral and legislative outcomes.

Additionally, the corporate world frequently enforces likeability as a metric for leadership and promotability, which disproportionately affects women and minorities. Kray and Kennedy discussed the challenges faced by women in negotiations and leadership roles, emphasizing the need for changing narratives and expectations. The subjective nature of such evaluations often leads to discrimination and bias, which can hinder career progression and perpetuate inequality within organizations. Turco investigated the cultural foundations of tokenism and the leveraged buyout industry which shed light on these issues, while Williams and Dempsey identified patterns and strategies for women navigating challenges in the workplace. Addressing these ingrained biases requires a critical examination of the criteria we use to judge professional competence and personal worth.

A [00:05:00] much trickier topic is whiteness and the need for approval.

The psychology of whiteness, particularly in the context of white womanhood, involves complex layers of privilege and identity. A significant aspect of this is the deep seated need for approval from those they consciously or unconsciously oppress. This need can manifest in various ways from performative, but shallow, allyship to the expectation of gratitude or acknowledgement from minority groups, particularly black individuals. Researchers like Robin D'Angelo have discussed how this dynamic can hinder genuine anti-racism efforts, as the focus shifts from systemic change to personal absolution. DeAngelo's work on white fragility explores why it's so challenging for white people to discuss racism and how this discomfort can impede progress.

Furthermore, the insistence on being liked can lead to significant psychological distress for those on the receiving end of these [00:06:00] dynamics. The pressure to conform to the expectations of white peers, especially for black women and other women of color, often requires a suppression of true feelings and a navigation of microaggressions in efforts to be deemed professional or polite. Sue examined the manifestation of microaggressions in everyday life, focusing on the experiences of marginalized groups. Torino et al explored the influence and implication of microaggressions theory in understanding and addressing various forms of discrimination.

In exploring the nuances of white womanhood, it becomes apparent how societal expectations of femininity intersect with racial privilege. Manne investigated the logic and manifestations of misogyny in contemporary society, highlighting that systemic nature and the ways in which it upholds patriarchal power structures. White women are often expected to embody a standard of softness and vulnerability. This can be weaponized against women of color who may [00:07:00] not be perceived to fit these narrow definitions. This dynamic reinforces racial stereotypes and sustains a hierarchy that privileges whiteness as the epitome of womanhood.

Moreover, the social requirement for minorities to educate and soothe white anxieties in any discussions about race can place an undue burden on those already marginalized. Oluo provided a comprehensive guide to discuss in race in America, addressing common challenges and offering strategies for productive conversations. This labor is not only exhausting, but also diverts energy from self care and community building among minority populations. Recognizing and dismantling these patterns is crucial for true equity and the advancement of anti-racist practices in the workplace. Another aspect of this are the generational and gender dynamics at play.

Older women using standards of politeness and professionalism to control younger women is another dimension where these concepts [00:08:00] are weaponized. Holmes and Schnurr examined the way politeness is deployed in the workplace to reinforce power structures and control social dynamics across ingroups and outgroups. This control mechanism serves to enforce traditional hierarchies within the workplace and other social structures. Studies have indicated that these dynamics not only perpetuate generational divides but also stifle innovation and diversity in professional settings by maintaining outdated standards that do not account for evolving social norms. Lao and Murnighan explored the concept of demographic fault lines and their influence on group dynamics and outcomes in organizational settings, while Bernstein and LeRoy investigated how atypical combinations of race and gender affect social perceptions and interactions and white spaces.

Mens enforcement of politeness and likability to undermine women and minorities highlights a broader societal issue where norms are enforced to maintain power [00:09:00] structures. The intersection of gender and racial dynamics plays a critical role here, where minority women are disproportionately affected by these expectations. Livingston, Rosette, and Washington studied the impact of race and interpersonal dominance on perceptions of female leaders, particularly focusing on the experiences of black women. Remedios, Snyder, and Lizza examined how women of color who claimed compounded discrimination are perceived by others, concentrating on interpersonal judgements and perceived credibility. By setting standards that are aligned with male or white norms, the workplace and other social arenas become spaces of compliance, where deviation from these norms can result in marginalization or penalization. You may have seen many examples of this in the news lately.

The generational gatekeeping of proper behavior often dismisses the evolving cultural and societal awareness that younger generations bring to the table. [00:10:00] This dismissal not only undermines the experiences and values of younger individuals but also perpetuates a cycle of cultural stagnation that can impede progress in diversity and inclusion efforts. Zou and Cheryan proposed a new model of racial position that considers two axes of subordination, offering a more comprehensive understanding of the experiences of marginalized racial groups. Acknowledging and integrating the perspectives of younger generations is essential for creating environments that are truly inclusive and reflective of modern societal values.

Similarly, the gendered expectations placed upon women to navigate these dynamics delicately often result in what is termed emotional labor- the effort required to manage and regulate emotions to fulfill the emotional requirements of another person. Erickson and Ritter investigated the relationship between emotional labor, burnout, and inauthenticity, with a focus on gender [00:11:00] differences in these experiences. Hochschild introduced the concept of emotional labor and explored how it is commodified and regulated in various professions, particularly in the service industry. This labor is disproportionately expected of women and can lead to burnout and decreased job satisfaction. Recognizing and compensating for emotional labor is a critical step toward achieving gender parody and professional and personal realms.

What about the consequences of non-conformity and societal norms?

Navigating social expectations regarding politeness and professionalism can have starkly different consequences for conformity and non-conformity based on criteria such as racial identity, neurodivergence, and social status. For white individuals, deviation from these norms often results in social exclusion, such as being shunned or removed from social circles, which can reinforce what Angelita Morillo has [00:12:00] called a culture of disposability, where individuals are ostracized for not adhering to established norms. Wirth, Bernstein, and LeRoy explored how atypical combinations of race and gender influence social perceptions and interactions in white spaces. This can lead to the severing of personal and professional relationships, creating a toxic environment where conformity is prized over authenticity.

The fear of becoming socially disposable can pressure white individuals to uphold and reinforce these norms, even when they privately disagree with them. Richeson and Shelton discussed the challenges and opportunities in interracial interactions, highlighting the psychological costs and potential for positive outcomes. This dynamic not only stifles personal growth and the expression of genuine beliefs, but also perpetuates a cycle of conformity that upholds systemic inequalities. The result is a society where [00:13:00] challenging the status quo becomes increasingly difficult, as doing so can lead to significant personal and social repercussions.

For people of color, especially women and those from marginalized groups, the stakes are even higher. Nonconformity can result in not just social ostracization but also significant barriers to professional advancement and personal development. Hernandez discussed the pervasiveness of racial discrimination in the United States, emphasizing the need for systemic change and the acknowledgement of historical and ongoing inequalities.

Rudman and Glick investigated the prescriptive gender stereotypes that lead to backlash against agentic women, highlighting the social penalties faced by women who deviate from traditional gender roles. The lack of adherence to these often unspoken rules can lead to being perceived as less valuable or professional, which directly impacts career opportunities and personal growth. [00:14:00]

In addition to professional setbacks, the emotional and physical toll on nonwhite individuals who challenged these norms can be severe. The constant navigation of microaggressions, coupled with more overt forms of discrimination contributes to a hostile environment that can affect mental and physical health. Sue examine the concept of microaggressions and how they manifest in daily life, focusing on the experiences of marginalized groups based on race, gender, and sexual orientation.

Torino at all explored microaggression theory, its development and its implications for understanding and addressing various forms of discrimination. The burden of conforming for fear of such consequences can lead to a diminished sense of self and a perpetuation of internalized racism and sexism.

The societal implications of these dynamics are profound. By enforcing a narrow standard of behavior- particularly one that aligns with white, patriarchal expectations- [00:15:00] society effectively limits the diversity of thought experience and leadership. This not only hinders social and cultural evolution but also reinforces the power structures that sustain inequality. Watts incorporated Boudieu's theory of social practice in his work applying common sense definitions to linguistic politeness and its role in social control.

. To address these issues it is crucial to foster environments that value diversity and inclusivity over rigid adherence to an outdated norm. This includes redefining what it means to be professional or likable in ways that honor authenticity and respect cultural difference. It also involves creating support systems and networks that empower individuals to express dissent and challenge norms without fear of retribution or harm. Revisit Oluo's guide to discussing race in America to help address this in the workplace and in daily life.

Let's move on to breaking [00:16:00] free from social constraints.

Discussing how to dismantle these ingrained behaviors and expectations is crucial. Empowering individuals to recognize and challenge these dynamics involves promoting an understanding of the psychological underpinnings of social control mechanisms. Swim and Hyers provided an overview of sexism, it's various forms, and its impact on individuals and society in the handbook of prejudice, stereotyping and discrimination. Education and awareness can lead to a re-evaluation of what behaviors are rewarded within society and why. Encouraging a culture that values diversity of thought and authenticity over superficial likeability can lead to more equitable social and professional environments.

Implementing institutional changes that recognize and correct for bias and how likability and professionalism are assessed is also vital. Williams' and Dempsey identified four patterns that women face in the workplace and provided strategies for [00:17:00] navigating these challenges and achieving success. This can include training programs, revised evaluation criteria, and more inclusive policies that accommodate a broader range of expressions and interactions without penalizing those who don't fit the traditional mold.

Institutional accountability plays a pivotal role in dismantling these oppressive norms. Organizations and institutions must actively work to identify and challenge the systemic structures that perpetuate these behaviors. Looking back at Trevino's exploration of micro-aggression theory, its development, and its implications for understanding and addressing various forms of discrimination, we know that it includes developing policies that address and mitigate bias, providing training on inclusive practices, and holding individuals accountable for behavior that reinforces harmful stereotypes.

Furthermore, creating spaces for open dialogue about the impact of these social norms can facilitate [00:18:00] understanding and growth among individuals from different backgrounds. There are many challenges and opportunities in interracial interactions. They have psychological costs, but also potential for positive outcomes. These conversations, while potentially challenging, are absolutely essential for fostering environments where diversity is genuinely valued, and where every individual feels empowered to express themselves without fear of retribution or judgment.

This week, I'm going to give you a little bit of homework.

In addition to the research that we discussed in this episode., I'll give you a list of books on the blog about this episode that will help if you are in the middle of a deconstruction journey. They are focused on how you may contribute individually to these challenges without even knowing it, and many are written or co-authored by black and indigenous authors. Some of these works might be challenging to read. But it is worth your time, so be sure and check the blog tomorrow for the list of books and the list of [00:19:00] sources for this episode.

Today's exploration in to the psychology of likability and politeness as tools of social control on PsyberSpace reveals deep seated issues embedded in our interactions and societal structures. By understanding these dynamics, we can better navigate and hopefully reshape them. As always I'm Leslie Poston, encouraging you to question, explore, and not just accept the status quo until next time, stay curious.