Unpacking Resilience: The Lies We Tell Ourselves to Survive
Episode Title: "Unpacking Resilience: The Lies We Tell Ourselves to Survive"
Introduction
Welcome back to PsyberSpace, the podcast where we dive deep into psychology, culture, media, and technology. I'm your host, Leslie Poston, a research psychologist who explores the complex interplay between human psychology, digital technologies (particularly AI), and cultural expression in online spaces. My research touches on issues of power dynamics, resistance, adaptation, identity, and the evolution of communication in the digital age. On todays episode we're exploring the complex world of resilience myths – those little lies we often tell ourselves to cope with life's challenges.
In this episode, we'll be unpacking a range of topics, covering everything from the false narratives surrounding survival of harassment or abuse to the dangerous allure of questionable therapeutic methods. We'll examine why we cling to these myths, how they impact our lives, and most importantly, how we can move beyond them towards genuine healing and growth.
As we navigate through this exploration, we'll be touching on some sensitive topics. Our goal is not to invalidate anyone's experiences or coping mechanisms, but rather to shed light on the psychological processes at play and offer alternative perspectives that might lead to more authentic and healthy forms of resilience.
We'll be drawing from a wealth of psychological research, expert opinions, and real-world examples to guide our discussion. Whether you're a mental health professional, someone on a personal journey of healing, or simply curious about the human psyche, this episode promises to offer valuable insights and food for thought.
Let's begin our journey of unpacking resilience and the lies we tell ourselves to survive. Remember, questioning these myths isn't about diminishing our strength – it's about understanding ourselves better and paving the way for genuine growth and healing.
Segment 1: The Psychology of Self-Deception
We begin our exploration by delving into the fascinating world of self-deception. Why do we cling to certain myths, such as the notion that enduring hardship or surviving abuse inherently makes us stronger? The answer lies in the complex workings of our minds and the psychological mechanisms we've developed to cope with life's challenges.
At the heart of this phenomenon is a concept known as cognitive dissonance. First proposed by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957, cognitive dissonance theory suggests that we experience mental discomfort when we hold two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. To alleviate this discomfort, humans tend to adjust our beliefs or behaviors, sometimes in ways that may not be entirely rational or beneficial in the long run.
For instance, consider a person who has survived a traumatic experience. They might believe, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," even if they're struggling with the aftermath of their trauma. This belief serves to reduce the dissonance between their suffering and their desire to find meaning in their experience.
Recent research has shed more light on this process. A study by Sharot and Garrett found that people are more likely to update their beliefs when presented with information that is better than expected, rather than worse. This bias towards positive information can reinforce our tendency to hold onto comforting myths about resilience and survival.
These self-deceptions can serve as powerful coping mechanisms. As noted by Taylor and Brown, certain positive illusions can contribute to mental health, promoting "higher motivation, greater persistence, more effective performance, and ultimately, greater success."
However, while these myths can provide temporary comfort, they can also hinder genuine healing and growth. As psychologist Kristin Neff points out in her work on self-compassion, truly facing our vulnerabilities and pain can lead to more authentic forms of resilience.
Confronting these deep-seated beliefs can be unsettling, but it's a necessary step towards true healing. By understanding the psychological mechanisms behind our self-deceptions, we can begin to question these myths more effectively and open ourselves up to more authentic and sustainable forms of resilience.
In the segments that follow, we'll explore specific resilience myths in various contexts, from health crises to abuse survival, and examine how we can move beyond these self-deceptions.
Segment 2: COVID Myths and Resilience Misconceptions
As we navigate through the ongoing global pandemic, we've encountered numerous myths and misconceptions, particularly around the idea of resilience in the face of COVID-19. One dangerous belief that has gained traction is the notion that surviving COVID-19 can somehow boost one's immune system, making them stronger or more resistant to future infections.
This misconception is not only scientifically unfounded but also mirrors broader psychological myths about personal strength and survival. It's a prime example of how health misinformation can intersect with our psychological need for reassurance and control in uncertain times.
A comprehensive study by Van Bavel et al. in 2020 highlighted how societal crises, like the COVID-19 pandemic, can amplify existing psychological biases. These biases can lead to the spread and acceptance of misinformation, including myths about resilience and immunity.
The allure of such myths is understandable. In times of crisis, we naturally seek narratives that offer hope and a sense of control. However, as pointed out by epidemiologist Gideon Meyerowitz-Katz in an article for The Guardian in 2021, the idea that COVID-19 infection strengthens the immune system is "not just wrong, but also dangerous." It can lead to risky behaviors and a false sense of security.
This myth also ties into a broader psychological tendency known as the "survivorship bias." As explained by Shermer in Scientific American, we tend to focus on the people or things that "survived" a process while overlooking those that did not, leading to overly optimistic conclusions.
In the context of COVID-19, focusing solely on those who recovered and supposedly became "stronger" ignores the vast number of people who suffered severe consequences or lost their lives to the disease. This selective focus can reinforce dangerous myths about resilience and immunity.
By understanding and challenging these misconceptions, we can develop a more nuanced and scientifically grounded understanding of resilience. True resilience in the face of health crises like COVID-19 comes not from mythical immune-boosting effects, but from informed precautions, community support, and adaptive coping strategies.
Segment 3: Surviving Abuse and the Myths We Uphold
In this segment, we go into a particularly sensitive area: the myths that survivors of abuse often believe about their experiences. These myths can include notions of deservedness, normalization of mistreatment, or the belief that surviving abuse inherently makes one stronger. While these beliefs might serve as temporary coping mechanisms, they can significantly hinder the healing process in the long run.
Research in the field of trauma psychology has shed light on how these myths develop and persist. Great research by Judith Herman in "Trauma and Recovery" emphasizes that traumatic events can shatter fundamental assumptions about the self and the world. In response, survivors may develop beliefs that help them make sense of their experiences, even if these beliefs are ultimately harmful.
For instance, a survivor might believe they deserved the abuse as a way to maintain a sense of control over their narrative. As explained by Briere and Scott in their book "Principles of Trauma Therapy", such beliefs can provide a false sense of predictability in an otherwise chaotic experience.
However, these myths can have profound psychological impacts. A study by Ullman et al. published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that negative social reactions and self-blame beliefs were associated with increased PTSD symptoms in sexual assault survivors. This highlights the importance of addressing and dismantling these myths in the healing process.
It's critical to note that challenging these myths doesn't mean invalidating the survivor's experiences or coping mechanisms. Instead, it's about creating space for more adaptive beliefs that support genuine healing and growth.
Trauma-informed care approaches, as described by Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, emphasize the importance of recognizing the pervasive impact of trauma and promoting environments of healing and recovery. This includes helping survivors identify and challenge harmful beliefs about their experiences.
Recent research has highlighted the potential of narrative therapy in helping survivors reframe their experiences. A study by Tuval-Mashiach et al. in the Journal of Traumatic Stress showed how constructing a coherent narrative of traumatic experiences can contribute to better psychological outcomes.
By understanding and gently challenging these myths, survivors can begin to separate their inherent worth from their traumatic experiences. This process of reevaluation is not about erasing the past, but about creating new narratives that allow for healing, growth, and the development of genuine resilience.
Segment 4: Societal Narratives and Individual Coping Mechanisms
As we continue our exploration of resilience myths, it's essential to consider how societal narratives support and perpetuate certain beliefs about strength and survival. These broader cultural stories often influence our personal beliefs and coping mechanisms, sometimes in ways we may not even realize.
Media plays a significant role in shaping these narratives. As noted by media theorist Denis McQuail in his book "McQuail's Mass Communication Theory", media doesn't just reflect society; it actively shapes our perceptions and beliefs. This includes our ideas about resilience and what it means to be "strong" in the face of adversity.
For instance, popular culture often glorifies the idea of the "tough survivor" who emerges stronger from traumatic experiences. While these narratives can be inspiring, they can also set unrealistic expectations and invalidate the complex, often messy reality of healing from trauma.
A study by Seery et al. published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology challenges the common assumption that experiencing adverse events inherently leads to distress or dysfunction. Their research suggests a U-shaped relationship between lifetime adversity and mental health outcomes, indicating that both too little and too much adversity can be problematic.
This nuanced understanding is often lost in societal narratives that tend to oversimplify the relationship between adversity and resilience. As a result, individuals may internalize these simplified narratives, leading to personal coping mechanisms that might not serve them well in the long run.
For example, someone might push themselves to "get over" a traumatic experience quickly because they believe that's what a resilient person should do. This belief, reinforced by societal expectations, could prevent them from seeking necessary support or allowing themselves the time and space needed for genuine healing.
Understanding the interplay between societal narratives and individual coping mechanisms is vital for developing more adaptive approaches to resilience. By critically examining the stories we tell ourselves as a society about strength and survival, we can create space for more nuanced, compassionate, and ultimately more helpful narratives about resilience.
This awareness allows us to develop coping mechanisms that are truly in service of our well-being, rather than merely conforming to societal expectations of what it means to be "strong" or "resilient."
Segment 5: The Trap of Abusive Therapeutic Methods
In our quest for healing and resilience, it's important to be aware of potentially harmful therapeutic practices that may promise quick fixes or miracle cures. Two particularly controversial methods we need to discuss are conversion therapy and Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA).
Conversion therapy, a practice aimed at changing an individual's sexual orientation or gender identity, has been widely discredited by mental health professionals. The American Psychological Association (2009) has stated that such practices can lead to depression, anxiety, and self-destructive behavior. Despite this, some individuals still seek out these treatments, often driven by societal or internalized stigma, or worse, force them on their children.
Similarly, Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), a technique used with autistic individuals, has faced valid criticism for being traumatic. As highlighted by Sandoval-Norton and Shkedy in the journal Cogent Psychology, ABA practices can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress symptoms in autistic individuals. Additionally, ABA trains autistic children to ignore their body’s health cues and needs and not to set personal boundaries, leaving them vulnerable to both predatory behavior and health crises in their future.
These methods stand in stark contrast to more compassionate, evidence-based approaches like trauma-informed care. As described by Lanius et al. in their book "The Impact of Early Life Trauma on Health and Disease," trauma-informed care recognizes the widespread impact of trauma and integrates this knowledge into all aspects of treatment.
Other beneficial approaches for trauma survivors and neurodivergent individuals include:
1. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): A psychotherapy treatment designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories.
2. Somatic Experiencing: A body-oriented approach to healing trauma and other stress disorders, developed by Peter Levine.
3. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): A form of psychotherapy that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies, along with commitment and behavior change strategies, to increase psychological flexibility.
These methods focus on creating a safe, supportive environment for healing, respecting the individual's autonomy and lived experiences. They aim to build genuine resilience by helping individuals process their experiences and develop adaptive coping strategies, rather than trying to force change or conformity.
By being aware of these distinctions, we can make more informed choices about therapeutic approaches, seeking out methods that truly support our healing and growth rather than potentially causing further harm.
Segment 6: Alternative Medicines and Modern Therapies
As we continue to explore paths to genuine resilience and healing, it's important to discuss some of the emerging therapies that are showing promise in treating various psychological conditions, particularly those related to trauma and stress disorders.
One area that has garnered significant attention in recent years is the potential use of psychedelic-assisted therapies. For instance, MDMA-assisted psychotherapy has shown remarkable results in the treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). A groundbreaking study by Mithoefer et al., published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology, found that 83% of participants no longer met the criteria for PTSD after just two sessions of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy, compared to 25% in the placebo group.
Similarly, research into psilocybin, the active compound in "magic mushrooms," has shown potential in treating depression and anxiety. A study by Griffiths et al. in the Journal of Psychopharmacology found that a single dose of psilocybin produced substantial and sustained decreases in depression and anxiety in patients with life-threatening cancer.
These alternative approaches are not without controversy, and it's important to note that they are still in the research phase and should only be administered in controlled, therapeutic settings. However, they represent a shift in how we approach mental health treatment, potentially offering new avenues for those who haven't found relief through traditional methods.
In addition to psychedelic therapies, other modern approaches are gaining traction:
1. Neurofeedback: A type of biofeedback that uses real-time displays of brain activity to teach self-regulation of brain function.
2. Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy: An immersive form of exposure therapy that has shown promise in treating anxiety disorders and PTSD.
3. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR): A program that uses mindfulness meditation to alleviate suffering associated with physical, psychosomatic, and psychiatric disorders.
While these therapies offer exciting possibilities, it's important to approach them with both optimism and caution. As with any treatment, individual responses can vary, and what works for one person may not work for another. These therapies often work best when integrated into a comprehensive treatment plan that addresses all aspects of an individual's well-being.
By staying informed about these emerging therapies, we can expand our understanding of mental health treatment and potentially find new paths to resilience and healing.
Segment 7: Rehumanizing Through Unpacking Lies
In our final segment, we turn our attention to the process of rehumanizing ourselves by confronting and unpacking the resilience myths we've discussed throughout this episode. This process is not just about discarding false beliefs; it's about reclaiming our authentic selves and fostering genuine resilience.
The journey of unpacking these myths can be challenging. As noted by Janoff-Bulman in her book "Shattered Assumptions," traumatic experiences often shatter our fundamental assumptions about the world and ourselves. Rebuilding these assumptions in a healthier way is a necessary part of the healing process.
One powerful approach to this rebuilding process is narrative therapy. As described by White and Epston in "Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends," narrative therapy helps individuals separate themselves from their problems and reauthor their life stories. This can be particularly powerful for those who have internalized harmful resilience myths.
For therapists and mental health professionals, challenging these entrenched beliefs requires a delicate balance. As Herman emphasizes in "Trauma and Recovery," the core experiences of psychological trauma are disempowerment and disconnection from others. Therefore, the therapeutic process must emphasize empowerment and reconnection.
Some strategies for unpacking these myths include:
1. Cognitive restructuring: Identifying and challenging distorted thought patterns. This technique, central to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help individuals recognize and reframe harmful beliefs about resilience.
2. Mindfulness practices: Cultivating present-moment awareness can help individuals observe their thoughts and beliefs without judgment, creating space for new perspectives.
3. Self-compassion exercises: Practices that foster kindness towards oneself can counteract the harsh self-judgment often associated with resilience myths.
4. Expressive writing: Pennebaker's research has shown that writing about traumatic experiences can lead to improved physical and mental health outcomes.
5. Group therapy or support groups: Sharing experiences with others who have similar struggles can normalize one's experiences and challenge collective myths.
It's important to note that this process of unpacking and rehumanizing is not about dismissing one's strength or survival skills. Rather, it's about recognizing the complexity of human experiences and fostering a more nuanced, compassionate understanding of resilience.
As Herman emphasizes in her groundbreaking work "Trauma and Recovery," true healing from trauma involves not only addressing psychological symptoms, but also reconnecting with others and reclaiming one's sense of power and control. This perspective is complemented by Ogden's Sensorimotor Psychotherapy approach, which highlights the importance of addressing the body's response to trauma. Ogden et al. argue that effective trauma treatment must integrate physical, emotional, and cognitive processing. By unpacking resilience myths, we create space for this kind of holistic healing that encompasses mind, body, and social connections.
Ultimately, the goal is to move from a narrative of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" to one that acknowledges both our vulnerability and our capacity for growth. This new narrative might sound something like, "I've been through difficult experiences. They've impacted me in complex ways, and I'm on a journey of understanding and healing."
Conclusion
As we wrap up this episode of PsyberSpace, let's recap our journey through the landscape of resilience myths. We've explored the psychology of self-deception, examined how societal narratives shape our beliefs, and discussed both harmful and helpful approaches to therapy and healing.
Throughout this exploration, one thing has become clear: true resilience isn't about being unbreakable or emerging stronger from every hardship. It's about acknowledging our vulnerabilities, seeking support when we need it, and cultivating self-compassion as we navigate life's challenges.
Unpacking these myths isn't easy. It requires courage to question long-held beliefs and to sit with the discomfort that might arise. But in doing so, we open ourselves up to more authentic forms resilience and healing.
As we continue our individual and collective journeys towards understanding resilience, let's strive to create spaces where all experiences are validated, where seeking help is seen as a strength, and where we can be both vulnerable and strong.
Remember, questioning these myths isn't about diminishing your strength – it's about honoring your full, complex humanity.
Call to Action
We'd love to hear your thoughts on today's episode. Have you encountered any of these resilience myths in your own life? How has unpacking them impacted your journey?
Share your reflections with us on our social media channels or our new, free Patreon. Your stories can help others who might be grappling with similar issues.
Join us next time on PsyberSpace as we continue to explore the fascinating world of human psychology. This is your host, Leslie Poston, Until next time, take care, be kind to yourselves, and stay curious.
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